A Letter Home

We often get letters from expatriate Mountaineers who have run across our site and want to thank us for reminding them of the hot dogs of their homeland. We also get a lot of letters from people in Marion County and other slawless zones who question our assertion that real West Virginia Hot Dogs must have slaw. What follows is a combination of the two: A missive from a former Marion Countian now residing in Maryland. I print it here in the interest of fairness to that 1/50th of the state's population who agree with him:

I am an expatriate West Virginian forced to flee the state for gainful employment. I do, however, still maintain my contacts back home, including those with relatives in Marion County. They sent me the link to this site. No self-respecting Marion Countian would dare to desecrate his weenie with anything so low-rent as a shredded cabbage product, nor should anyone else! I was weaned (or would that be "weened") on Yann's hotdogs and they are by far the finest tubular meat-byproduct-based confection ever known to man. When I was in high school, I used to get a half-dozen of Russell's finest and a pint of chocolate milk for lunch and my lips would buzz all afternoon from the delightful taste of that powerful, oil-based, taste-bud altering sauce! And yes, I called it "sauce" as that is the proper term for it. "Chili" is something you get at chain restaurants that desecrate their tomatoey meat soups with...beans. Beans are cheap filler used when you can't afford meat. See also: slaw. Back in the day, the recipe was to take a Kettering bun, drop in a Superior "Frankie" dog, wave a little wooden stick with yellow mustard at it just long enough to scare it, sprinkle a few onions, and then spoon on the magical sauce. They were wrapped two at a time in a sheet of wax paper and stuffed into a brown paper sack (both of which would instantly become saturated with oily sauce byproducts that would soil the car seats of the uninitiated).

Another Yann-dog feature your reviewer fails to mention, probably due to lack of adequate research, is their medicinal qualities. Every time I felt a cold or sore throat coming, I'd go to Yann's for a half dozen and a Nesquik and the next day I'd have nary a symptom. Yann's sauce just scares the living hell out of any germs still alive in the vicinity of your digestive tract or sinuses.
To downgrade Yann's to a mere four or four and a half weenies for lack of slaw is absolute sacrilege and places the credibility of your site strongly in question. I can only hope you soon realize the error of your ways and stop this silly quest to laud places that weaken their weenies with shredded garden products.

Mark in Maryland (unfortunately)