Parkersburg HDJ Review: Bureau of Fiscal Service Employee Cafeteria (aka "The Hole")

The Bureau of Fiscal Service Employee Cafeteria (The Hole)

The Bureau of the Public Debt first identified Parkersburg, WV, as its emergency relocation site in the early 1950s, during the Cold War era. The location was outside the blast radius of a potential nuclear attack on Washington, DC and the relocation made certain that the creditors of the United States federal government would be paid in the event that DC was turned into a parking lot by the Russians.  A 2012 merger of the Bureau of Public Debt and the Financial Management Service created the Federal Bureau of Fiscal Services, which handles the government’s accounting payment system and public debt. The bureau has been a large employer in Wood County for decades. Until, of course, Elon Musk came on the scene a few weeks ago cutting hundreds of jobs in one fell swoop. 

The reorganization brought with it a downsizing of the agency's employee cafeteria (nicknamed "The Hole" by longtime staffers), and the menu has been trimmed as well. Gone from its offerings are old favorites like Lettuce Wraps, Silver Dollar Pancakes, and Cheddar Dough Pizza. The new menu offers a smaller variety of ready-made pasta salads and curries, while one local favorite has been saved, sort of, it has been given a new name.

The Hole in its heyday.

The item, of course, is long-time head cook April Forst's famous West Virginia Hot Dogs. A fan favorite, the hot dogs at The Hole featured Nathan's Famous weenies on locally made Flowers bun, topped with April's special chili sauce and her fresh-daily coleslaw. On a past visit we awarded this hot dog a 4 1/2 Weenie rating, and gave it high marks for the way the chili and slaw worked together. We wrote "in a town with no shortage of good hot dog joints, the government-subsidized one at the federal workplace is no second-choice." 

In its new incarnation, it has been renamed "BFS HOT DOGE," but April says it is still the same basic sandwich, just made with less expensive ingredients. "We're proud to support the administration's goals of reducing the cost of government," she told a local reporter, "and by using boerewors [a South African sausage now preferred by the Department of Government Efficiency]  instead of all-beef Nathan's Famous, we are able to take a large bite out of the cost."

Other than the weenie, the other ingredients remain unchanged from April's original recipe, at least for now, but that will have to change in 2028 when new legislation recently signed into law by West Virginia Governor Patrick Morrisey takes effect. "They are banning Yellow Dye #5, which is in in our favorite mustard, and Red Dye #40 that is in the tomato paste we use in our sauce." 

April also said banned Red Dye #3 will be a concern because some people ask for ketchup on their hot dog, and natural ketchup that doesn't use the coloring costs quite a bit more than the regular stuff. "I guess that's a bit of a governmental contradiction we'll have to work through, because DOGE isn't going to want us to spend more just to be in compliance with the law," she predicted.

Our HOT DOGE looked thrown together without much care.

The BFS HOT DOGE, as noted above, features a "multi-meat" boerwors sausage. A little chewier than a typical American weenie, but tastes similar to products offered by Armour or Oscar Mayer. The bun was the same as before, as was the chili (er, we mean sauce, because Parkersburg) and slaw. There didn't seem to be as much care as we remembered in the way the hot dog was put together, probably due to the shorthanded staff that seemed a little overwhelmed serving even the few remaining employees in line that day. The overall taste was OK, but the chewiness of the weenie caused us to downgrade the rating by 40% to 2.7 Weenies. How's that for efficiency?

The Hole is open to the public, but only if you are accompanied by a federal employee. So if you know someone who currently works there, invite yourself to lunch with them. But you might want to hurry. 

In fact, today, April 1, would be a great day to check it out. 

Parkersburg HDJ Review - The Root Beer Shack

Who doesn't love frozen root beer? After the last A&W in Charleston closed in the early 80's there was no other root beer place around that offered this frozen goodness. We'd pass by Huntington's Frostop Root Beer and see the giant mug on top of the restaurant with its representation of a head of frozen root beer, but it was only a cruel joke: Frostop has no frost on top. Nor does Stewarts. Nor does Farley's. It seemed that frozen root beer had become just another reason to long for the good ol' days. 

So when we saw some chatter on a recent WV Hot Dogs Facebook post by a hot dog enthusiast from Parkersburg about the hot dogs at The Root Beer Shack, it piqued our interest.  We were thrilled when he mentioned that the root beer was "icy," hoping that meant that it was full of the wonderful icy sludge. But enough about root beer, for now; we're here for hot dogs, right?

Well, you're gonna have to wait on that. Because we sure did. Arriving (we thought) before the lunch rush would allow us to get in and out in short order, but before we even placed our order we were warned that there would be a 20-25 minute wait for food. OK, no worries because we didn't have anywhere else to be so we got our root beer and found a table to wait. (We noticed that many other patrons who came in after we were seated did not choose to wait. While we were there at least 12 people left after hearing about the long wait.)

We had to request mustard and onions as extras, because The Shack's "Slaw Dog" only comes standard with chili (except since this is the Ohio Valley it's called "sauce") and slaw. We were asked to choose between "spicy" and "sweet" sauce, so we got one of each. 

After the expected delay, our hot dogs arrived at our table and we immediately noticed that they were prepared on New England Style buns (and for the umpteenth time, there is no such thing as an "English" bun!) that had been buttered and toasted. The slaw looked decent if a little coarse (although the presence of carrots will offend some purists), but the flavor was a little odd. Like maybe it was a bit past its "best by" date. The spicy chili was a little spicy, but nothing like Fairmont spicy. The sweet stuff was bland. 

Overall the hot dogs weren't very good. Filling, yes, mostly because of the voluminous bun, but not deserving of more than a 2 Weenie rating. 

The consolation prize was that we did get to wash them down with some really good root beer with a frozen icy head, just as we hoped we would find. 

Parkersburg HDJ Review - Der Dog Haus

I've driven by this place on 7th Street a bunch of times, but not until it showed up on the "101 Unique Places to Dine in WV" list did I ever consider stopping in. I can't really explain why, but despite its name it just didn't look like a HDJ to me. But on a recent trip to P-Burg I thought I would take a chance and since it was on "The List" I figured even if it didn't have hot dogs I could still get something interesting to eat. So I took the completely unprecedented (and, I thought, somewhat pretentious) step of calling ahead for a reservation. I was surprised when they took my name and told me that they would reserve a table. When I showed up on a Friday evening to hordes of hungry diners waiting for a seat I was glad I had called ahead. Still not sure that it was a real HDJ, I was gaining confidence that it was a good place to eat.

In the few moments that I had to wait on my table, I looked over the daily specials written on the board in the packed waiting area: Salmon cakes & oysters? Really?

Really. And how about sweet & sour Brussels sprouts as a side? The, I mean Der, Dog Haus has them.

Soon I was being shown to my seat in the PHS room (that's Parkersburg High School for those of you not savvy). On the way to the PHS room, I am certain that I must have passed the PSHS (Parkersburg South High School) room because anyone familiar with P-Burg knows that not giving equal time to each high school would be tantamount to stealing pigs and might start a war right there in your eating establishment. I was surprised at how big this place is.

As soon as I opened the menu I realized that this was a real HDJ: The first section of the menu is all about hot dogs. The fact that the rest of the menu look like anything but a HDJ menu is beside the point. In addition to the aforementioned specials, Der Dog Haus has lots of interesting food: seafood, salads, steak, ribs and much more.

But hot dogs is what we're about and hot dogs were the reason for my visit, so hot dogs is what I will now write about:

The first unfortunate thing about the hot dog part of the menu was that there is no "everything" dog. Too many toppings are offered and most of them are unnecessary: relish, cheese, kraut and grilled peppers. Thankfully I was able to assemble a real WVHD from the options list.

My dog showed up on a New England Style bun (minus 1/2 point), but otherwise was a good solid effort. The sauce (chili) was reminiscent of DQ Coney Sauce with lots of meat added. The slaw was fantastic in texture and taste, but a little too wet for its own good. The onions were very coarsely chopped. The mustard was yellow.

I'll give Der Dog Haus a solid 3.5 Weenie rank for its hot dog. If I were rating on a different scale, perhaps "Spoons" or something like that, I might give it a 4 or 4 1/2 for its overall quality, selection and service.