Parkersburg HDJ Review: Bureau of Fiscal Service Employee Cafeteria (aka "The Hole")

The Bureau of Fiscal Service Employee Cafeteria (The Hole)

The Bureau of the Public Debt first identified Parkersburg, WV, as its emergency relocation site in the early 1950s, during the Cold War era. The location was outside the blast radius of a potential nuclear attack on Washington, DC and the relocation made certain that the creditors of the United States federal government would be paid in the event that DC was turned into a parking lot by the Russians.  A 2012 merger of the Bureau of Public Debt and the Financial Management Service created the Federal Bureau of Fiscal Services, which handles the government’s accounting payment system and public debt. The bureau has been a large employer in Wood County for decades. Until, of course, Elon Musk came on the scene a few weeks ago cutting hundreds of jobs in one fell swoop. 

The reorganization brought with it a downsizing of the agency's employee cafeteria (nicknamed "The Hole" by longtime staffers), and the menu has been trimmed as well. Gone from its offerings are old favorites like Lettuce Wraps, Silver Dollar Pancakes, and Cheddar Dough Pizza. The new menu offers a smaller variety of ready-made pasta salads and curries, while one local favorite has been saved, sort of, it has been given a new name.

The Hole in its heyday.

The item, of course, is long-time head cook April Forst's famous West Virginia Hot Dogs. A fan favorite, the hot dogs at The Hole featured Nathan's Famous weenies on locally made Flowers bun, topped with April's special chili sauce and her fresh-daily coleslaw. On a past visit we awarded this hot dog a 4 1/2 Weenie rating, and gave it high marks for the way the chili and slaw worked together. We wrote "in a town with no shortage of good hot dog joints, the government-subsidized one at the federal workplace is no second-choice." 

In its new incarnation, it has been renamed "BFS HOT DOGE," but April says it is still the same basic sandwich, just made with less expensive ingredients. "We're proud to support the administration's goals of reducing the cost of government," she told a local reporter, "and by using boerewors [a South African sausage now preferred by the Department of Government Efficiency]  instead of all-beef Nathan's Famous, we are able to take a large bite out of the cost."

Other than the weenie, the other ingredients remain unchanged from April's original recipe, at least for now, but that will have to change in 2028 when new legislation recently signed into law by West Virginia Governor Patrick Morrisey takes effect. "They are banning Yellow Dye #5, which is in in our favorite mustard, and Red Dye #40 that is in the tomato paste we use in our sauce." 

April also said banned Red Dye #3 will be a concern because some people ask for ketchup on their hot dog, and natural ketchup that doesn't use the coloring costs quite a bit more than the regular stuff. "I guess that's a bit of a governmental contradiction we'll have to work through, because DOGE isn't going to want us to spend more just to be in compliance with the law," she predicted.

Our HOT DOGE looked thrown together without much care.

The BFS HOT DOGE, as noted above, features a "multi-meat" boerwors sausage. A little chewier than a typical American weenie, but tastes similar to products offered by Armour or Oscar Mayer. The bun was the same as before, as was the chili (er, we mean sauce, because Parkersburg) and slaw. There didn't seem to be as much care as we remembered in the way the hot dog was put together, probably due to the shorthanded staff that seemed a little overwhelmed serving even the few remaining employees in line that day. The overall taste was OK, but the chewiness of the weenie caused us to downgrade the rating by 40% to 2.7 Weenies. How's that for efficiency?

The Hole is open to the public, but only if you are accompanied by a federal employee. So if you know someone who currently works there, invite yourself to lunch with them. But you might want to hurry. 

In fact, today, April 1, would be a great day to check it out. 

Pendleton County HDJ Review - Top Dog

Top Dog can be found in the Spruce Knob parking lot.

Perhaps the most aptly-named HDJ we've ever seen, Top Dog, situated near the summit of Spruce Knob, is unarguably above all other WV Hot Dog Joints. While a few feet lower that the 4,863 feet knob itself (the highest point in the state of West Virginia), Top Dog still must have an elevation of over 4,850, making it even higher than Cheat Mountain Dogs, one county over in Pocahontas.

But altitude aside, we wondered how Top Dog could serve a quality hot dog in such rare air and in such a remote location. One could argue that being the only food concession within a 40 minute drive (the closest being The Front Porch Restaurant at Mouth of Seneca) would be prime real estate, but the low volume of travelers that actually make the dusty 21 mile ascent up Forest Road 112 to the top of Spruce Mountain would seem to be a significant offset. Indeed the afternoon we were there, there were no other customers to be seen.

A Hot Dog with a View

Top Dog's menu offerings are obviously meant to ingratiate them to travelers from other places, with such specialty hot dogs as Chicago Dog, Classic Coney and two different kinds of Bratwursts. But we were pleased to find a WV Hot Dog with chili, slaw, mustard and onions placed in proud prominence at the very top of the menu, and fittingly called "West Virginia's Top Dog." Interestingly enough,  four spaces down the menu was a "Fairmont Dog" which was described as "A simple hot dog for the simple-minded, including overly spicy sauce, mustard and onions."

While we have to admit, finding a WVHD in such a remote spot was a real treat for us, the hot dog was just so-so. Apparently the altitude affects the slaw in negative ways. While I'm no scientist, I suspect that the lack of oxygen inhibits the uptake of complex sugars necessary for really creamy slaw, so the result was a little too sweet and a bit runny. The dry air also made the bun a little too stiff for our tastes. The chili was good. The view, however, couldn't be beat.

We'll give Top Dog a 4 Weenie score. It's hard to get to but worth the drive. Get an early start because you know how bad traffic can get on holidays like April Fools Day.

Marion County HDJ Review - Fox's Snacks and Newsstand

We have a lot of fun on this blog at the expense of those unfortunate souls from Marion County who live a slawless existence, while believing with all of their faith that a "real" West Virginia Hot Dog cannot be topped with coleslaw. They live in an alternative reality where their insistence on hot dogs with devilishly spicy chili sauce, mustard and onions is the only right way to eat a hot dog - and so in their warped, twisted minds (caused by the lack of decent hot dogs, we're sure) all West Virginians must think the way they do. It is a sad echo-chamber existence that they live, but once in a while a new HDJ will pop up in Marion County that affirms people's right to choose, and when that happens we like to celebrate it.

Fox's Snack Bar & Newsstand is bright and cheery,
but not much real news can be found inside.

So when we heard about Fox's Snacks and Newsstand and how they served hot dogs with coleslaw in downtown Fairmont, we knew we had to take a road trip and check it out for ourselves. What we found was interesting to say the least.

The little HDJ is well-hidden inside the lobby of the Altermont Building just down the street from the Marion County Courthouse. The four-story building houses several small law offices and not much else. Other than coffee, the only hot food that the newsstand serves is breakfast biscuits until 11:00 and and hot dogs from 11:15-1:00. April Fox, the owner, prides herself on having a variety of drinks, chips and candy to go along with the biscuits and hot dogs. After meeting the owner and chatting for a few moments, we ordered two hot dogs and thought we'd browse the newsstand offerings while we waited for our order, but we were surprised to find that for a place with "newsstand" in its name there was't much news; only one newspaper and one magazine on the rack. No matter, our hot dogs were ready in a flash, so we paid for them and took them to an unoccupied table to eat.

The first thing I noticed was the strange shape of the weenie. It looked less like a sausage and more like a thickly sliced piece of meat. After taking a bite, I went back over to the owner and asked her about it and she told me that it was actually a piece of bologna that had been cut into a thick spear. April said she felt bologna was a better meat product than the weenies she used to use. She then confided in us that she also used ground-up bologna for her chili/sauce as well. I was taken aback to say the least, but once I had thought about it, I said to myself, "why not?" All-beef bologna is still all-beef, and what is hot dog chili/sauce except for a beef-based product?

I was on my way back to my bench when I tasted the slaw. I stopped and went back to April and asked her about the exotic flavor it had. "Instead of mayonnaise, I make the slaw with Russian salad dressing," she explained. Again, it was non-standard, but not completely objectionable. It was very filling and strangely satisfying. I finished off the first hot dog and immediately decided that I'd had enough and decided to forfeit my second hot dog to the trash receptacle, but just before I dropped it, I felt a strange urge to have another bite. And then another. Each time I finished a bite, I felt strangely compelled to have one more. Even after the second hot dog was gone, I went back and asked April to make another. Strangely addictive. I'll give them a 3.5 Weenie rating just because they left me wanting more. It was kind of unsettling because I knew in my heart of hearts, that a WVHD couldn't be made from bologna, but while munching on this hot dog I couldn't remember what a real hot dog tasted like.

As I drove away, back down I79 toward Charleston it hit me: Just like those Marion County folks who live in an alternative reality caused by eating nothing but slawless hot dogs, I had fallen victim to Fox's Newstand hot dogs and completely lost my ability to understand that they weren't real hot dogs. They were imitations, filled with baloney and covered with Russian dressing, but while I was consuming them I not only couldn't tell the difference, I didn't want to tell the difference. But the more distance I put between myself and the Fox Newsstand, the more normal I felt. By the time I made it back to Charleston, I seemed fully recovered and realized that I was going to be OK and would probably go back to eating real WVHDs tomorrow.  But I felt sad for those Marion Countians and others who will continue to be subjected to what Fox News is serving up, completely oblivious that it's all filled with baloney.

It's hard for us to recommend the hot dogs at Fox's Newsstand, but if you don't mind being fooled we've heard that the best day to go is April 1.

Barkersville HDJ Review - Le Chien est Chaud French Bistro

We have long maintained on this blog that the West Virginia Hot Dog is an art form unto itself, but never before have we found a hot dog joint that embraced the idea more than does Le Chien est Chaud in Barkersville. To call this lovely restaurant a hot dog joint might be seen as a disservice to some, but not to Claude de'Avril, the friendly owner and chef of Le Chien.

"Not at all!" de'Avril said with a chuckle. "When I came to West Virginia I was delighted by the culinary landscape, and what would it be without the West Virginia Hot Dog? We are honored to be called 'hot dog joint'"!

Le Chien est Chuad's signature dish!

With menu items ranging from a hand-cut Delmonico steak to New Orleans Style Bouillabaisse, you might be surprised to find hot dogs on the menu, but there they are right between the Coho Salmon and the Veal Scallopini. Listed as the signature dish, the entree that takes the bistro's name as its own is no ordinary WVHD, but  "two deconstructed West Virginia hot dogs. Delicately grilled frankfurters served with moutarde jaune, onions, chili con-carne and koosla."  Deconstructed dishes are all the rage in fancy big-city restaurants these days, but we were still surprised to find this dish in a small town like Barkersville, even though this little burg has surprised us before with its culinary offerings. We were eager to try it.

While Claude was preparing our dish, we looked around the interior of the restaurant with great interest. A neat display of old photos and newspaper stories from the 1920's illuminated the impact that French immigrants had on Barkersville. According to one of old newspaper clippings, at one time there were so many native Frenchmen on the town council that it almost changed the name of the town to "Poisson," in recognition of the great fishing that could be found in Barker Creek which runs through the middle of town. The native locals, however, though the word was off putting since it was only one "s" removed from a very negative English word. The locals won, evidently.

Culinary artistry!

 After a reasonable wait, our entree arrived and we were simply stunned by its appearance. Certainly this WVHD was far different from any other we had encountered. While the weenies were presented in their entirety, the bun had been carved into bite size pieces and lightly toasted. Small mounds of chili and "koosla" (slaw) were placed nearby on the plate and an artistic stripe of moutarde jaune (yellow mustard) brought color and life to the plate, which was made complete by a beautiful arrangement of delicately sliced onions. After beholding the artistry for a moment we were eager to dig in.

Chili, slaw mustard and onion was our favorite combination

Not wishing to commit a faux pas, we asked Claude how he had intended the dish to be eaten, whether with fingers or knife and fork. He suggested we use utensils, but to vary our bites so different combinations of the ingredients could be tasted. We definitely found the best combination to be a bite of bread, a cut of meat dipped in mustard and dredged through the complex chili and sweet cole slaw. Delightful.

We also took the chef's suggestion for a wine pairing, the 2013 Caymus Vineyards Special Selection Cabernet. The wine's rich, hedonistic core of wild berry, blackberry, plum and currant, with a graceful, elegant mouthfeel and supple, caressing tannins leading to a long, powerful and refined aftertaste was the perfect complement to the entree.

So rich! We couldn't finish the meal!

At $21, these are the most expensive hot dogs we've ever bought, but the dish would have been a bargain at even a higher price point. Deceptively rich and filling, it didn't leave us room for dessert; a shame because the Moon Pie Flambe' sounded so tempting! Perhaps the next trip - and there will definitely be a next trip for this Weenie Wonk.

While we never give an official Weenie Rating to hot dogs that are so non-standard as these, we do give Le Chien est Chuad our highest recommendation as a fine dining restaurant and a great place to dine on special occasions, like April Fools Day.

Townsville HDJ Review - The Hot Dog Factory

The WV Hot Dog Blog has gone on record numerous times about the way weenies are prepared. While we prefer grilled weenies, we are not too awfully concerned when hot dog joints use other methods to heat their meat. We've had excellent hot dogs whose weenies just came out of a hot bath, and even the dreaded roller dogs can't hold an otherwise good hot dog down. Generally speaking, we take a "when in Rome" attitude about how weenies are cooked.

But hold the phone, we recently were told about a new hot dog joint in Townsville that did something completely out of the ordinary to their hot dogs: Chicken Fried Hot Dogs. We could not envision what a chicken-fried hot dog would look like, much less taste like, so we scheduled a road trip up Route 12 as soon as we could. Although we didn't have an address for The Hot Dog Factory, we went anyway, figuring that we'd ask around once we got there. It turned out we didn't have to ask, because as you probably know, Townsville has only one street that runs through the center of town and every business (I think there are three) is on this street, so we soon found ourselves in front of a very cool looking little hot dog joint. We hoped that they had normal hot dogs in case the chicken-fried version wasn't to our liking.

Chicken-Fried Hot Dog

Walking in to the Hot Dog Factory, we immediately spied the Chicken Fried Hot Dog on the menu, threw caution to the wind and ordered up. When asked what "everything" meant, I was please to hear that Chili, slaw, mustard and onion were the standard toppings. I didn't however, expect to be asked whether I wanted Original or Extra Crispy, but without thinking I went for original. 

Now I have certainly had chicken-fried steak, and even chicken-fried chicken and I thought I knew what to expect. I envisioned that my hot dog would have its weenie encrusted with a golden-brown crust, nestled inside a bun with the normal toppings applied. I was even a little concerned about my ability to take a good photo of the weenie, and I found myself kind of hoping that the toppings would be more sparsely applied that I usually like so I could get a better look. 

I completely misunderstood. 

When The Hot Dog Factory says "Chicken Fried Hot Dog" they aren't talking about the weenie. No, they take the entire hot dog, bun, toppings and all, and dip it into the chicken batter and then crispy fry the whole thing. So the finished product was a regular old West Virginia hot dog completely encased in a crust. Are you understanding this, dear reader? The Bun, weenie, chili, slaw, mustard and onions were on the inside! Astounding!

After getting over my initial shock, I finally bit into the hot dog and was amazed to find that it was absolutely delicious. The ingredients that we so love in their normal state, were somehow enhanced by the deep frying, and the salty chicken-crust made the whole thing an absolute symphony of flavor! I immediately ordered another one and forgot all about trying the other hot dogs on the menu (of which there are many, including a veggie dog that uses a steamed carrot in place of the weenie). It wouldn't be fair to rate this hot dog on the same Weenie Scale as more traditional hot dogs, but if we did it would surely be worthy of a 5 Weenie score.

We were so impressed by the Chicken-fried Hot Dog at the Hot Dog factory that we made plans for a return trip. We're thinking of going back again next year on the same day, because April 1 seems like the perfect day to have a foolish-sounding hot dog like this.  

West Virginia Slaw War Museum

In 1921, there began in West Virginia a battle that pitted brother against brother and North against South; blood relatives railed against each other's deep-seeded beliefs and family traditions. Decades later the scars of this battle are still visible and divide this great state. A clear victor has been established in this fight, and yet citizens of a certain area of the state stubbornly hold to the old ways and will not allow defeat to be acknowledged.

Of course, I am talking about the great Slaw War of West Virginia that began when the Stopette Drive In on Rt. 21 near Charleston began putting coleslaw on top of their popular chili dogs and started a food revolution that soon swept the entire state. Well, almost the entire state. Marion County, along with certain factions from Harrison County resisted the slaw advance and set the scene for The War.

A new museum has opened in Jane Lew, just a few miles south of the front lines of The War, that hopes to enlighten people on the ways in which this rift has affected people in North Central West Virginia. The Slaw War Museum is owned and run by Flora Olips, a former school cook for Marion County Schools. Flora is determined to help people on both sides of the issue come to an understanding. She was kind enough to sit down with us for a recorded interview. We hope to have the full audio version posted soon, but here are some highlights of our chat:

West Virginia Hot Dog Blog: Flora, when did you first get the idea for this museum?

Flora Olips: I've been wanting to do it since 1967. That's when my grandfather died. He was the one who told me about The War.

WVHDB: Was he affected by The War?

Flora: Oh Heavens, yes. He drove a truck for Heiners Bakery and he used to have to make the run from Huntington to Morgantown. He used to tell me how some Marion County restaurants wouldn't take buns from a open tray because they didn't want to use the same ones that places that served slaw used.

WVHDB: That sounds a little crazy...

Flora: Crazy? O mercy, that's exactly the kind of talk I'm trying to discourage here. It's just a different way of thinking. It might be hard for you to understand, but it's real to those who believe it.

WVHDB: So, which side are you on, Flora? Are you for slaw or against it?

Flora: Hah! If it were only that simple!

WVHDB: What do you mean? I just want to know if you like slaw on your personal hot dogs or not.

Flora: No, you asked whether I am for slaw or agin' it. That's what is complicated. As for what I eat on my own hot dogs, well, it depends on where I am and who I am with.

WVHDB: You mean, you swing both ways?

Flora: In a manner of speaking. I would never walk into Russell Yann's place [Yann's Hot Dogs in Fairmont] and ask for slaw, but if I am in Charleston or Logan, I love me a big helping of cool creamy slaw on my dog.

WVHDB: So you're attitude is kinda 'when in Rome?'

Flora: Exactly. I believe strongly in a person's right to choose.

Flora gave us the full tour of the museum that included photos of seemingly every hot dog sold by West Virginia vendors, showing the variations in presentation and styles. She had secret chili recipes from some of the great hot dog joints of the past, and iconic hot dog memorabilia such as the 1950s era Sunbeam Bun Steamer from Romeo's Grill in South Charleston. Just seeing these artifacts made my mouth water thinking of the delicious hot dogs they used to sell.

Alas, Flora doesn't allow photos in the museum so you will have to check it out yourself. The museum is located on Flair Pools Road just south of the Jane Lew Exit of I79. Open only one day per year, on April 1.

And speaking of museums, make sure that you visit the West Virginia Mine War Museum  that opens on May 16th in Matewan.

Morgantown HDJ Review - The Bear Cave

Once in a while I am still surprised to find a HDJ that is really old school. Usually that means that they have a 1950s era Sunbeam bun steamer or make their slaw in an antique Norge mixer, but when I was recently introduced to this hidden away HDJ on Peacock Avenue, I was truly taken aback.

A relic from the past, The Bear Cave makes no bones about being a men-only establishment.

And they have great hot dogs.

My visit to The Bear Cave was facilitated by an acquaintance who is a regular there, which is really the only way that anyone ever gets in. The cleverly hidden doorway on the lower level of the building and the complete lack of any signage makes accidental discovery almost impossible, and the seedy look of the neighborhood makes it unlikely that people are going to be just walking by. It doesn't get much better immediately inside the door - a dimly lit hallway that leads to the reception area further reinforces the feeling that this is not someplace you want to be nosing around. It is only after you turn the corner at the end of this hallway and come face to face with the large stuffed bear that mans the maitre d' station that you feel that this is a place that humans frequent.

The interior is only marginally less dimly lit than the entrance corridor, but there was enough light to see that the decor looked like it came from a Mad Men set with burgundy leather, red brick and dark oak the only perceptible colors. The lovely smell of hot dog chili hung in the air and it reminded me of what I had come for.

I asked my host about ordering up some hot dogs and he summoned an older man who had been talking to another group of older men nearby. He introduced the man as "George" and said he was one of the owners. I asked George what he considered "everything" on a hot dog and was pleased to find out that slaw was listed as a standard topping. I ordered two and George immediately left toward what I can only assume was the kitchen door.

While I was waiting on my hot dogs to return I queried my host on the history of The Bear Cave but either he didn't know much or he was sworn to secrecy because I found out nothing. I asked him what would happen if a woman came in and he just said "it'll never happen" and dismissed my further questions. There was so much that I wanted to know, but my hot dogs came back before I could ask any more questions. They looked and smelled so good that I couldn't resist turning my attention to them.

When I took out my camera to take a photo of the hot dogs for this post, my host quickly told me that pictures were not allowed (I guess he hadn't noticed that I had snapped one of the bear on the way in), so you'll have to take my word that these hot dogs were a thing of beauty. The buns were cloud-like in their softness and the chili was a deep brownish red. The slaw looked perfectly prepared and the onions were so finely chopped that they nearly disappeared into the texture of the slaw.

And they tasted even better than they looked! Heavenly. A Five Weenie classic if ever one existed. The chili was spicy and the slaw was cool and sweet - they were joined together in a synergistic marriage of pure deliciousness. The soft bun cradled all of this goodness and made everything even better because of its freshness. I looked at my host and then at George who was still standing by, smiling in expectation. I think I had a tear in my eye because I had found what was quite possibly The One True Dog. Rapture! Delight!

For a long time I couldn't speak, I could only enjoy the magnificent taste. When the words finally came to me, I thanked George for the privilege of tasting it. I thanked my host for the opportunity to experience The Bear Cave, a place that until that morning I had never even heard of. I excitedly  told them both that I couldn't wait to write the review and tell all of our readers about it.

And that's when they looked at each other and their smiles turned into frowns. My host said to me, "No, you can never write about this."

"Never," reinforced George.

"But, this to too wonderful!", I said. "I can't possibly be expected keep this quiet? This is the best hot dog I have ever had!"

George narrowed his gaze and said "Never, capice?" His meaning was very clear. I capiced.

After a long pause, I agreed to never write the review. I ate the rest of my hot dogs with a mixture of joy and sadness. Joy for the sheer pleasure of the taste and textures of these hot dogs, and sadness because I knew that I could never tell my readers about them.

It was months later, though, that I remembered that I write this blog under a well-protected pseudonym and that my host and George knew me only by my pen name. I decided to throw caution to the wind and publish this review.

Besides, with all of the kumbaya going on lately in this country, with all of the equal rights court decisions and all of the women empowerment books being published, I thought to myself, "how can I just stand by and not say anything about this discriminatory hot dog joint? How is it OK for me to have this information - that what is perhaps The One True Dog exists and it is being purposely withheld from 50% of our population because of their sex?" I decided that I can't be complicit any more and I have to speak out.

I challenge the women of Morgantown, go down to Peacock Avenue and find this place and just march in and order a hot dog. This is your time to Lean In!

I just hope I don't get leaned on for writing about it.

Oh, and one more thing: Happy April Fools Day.

West Virginia Legislature Makes Slaw Mandatory

One small but very important piece of legislation that was passed in the recently concluded regular session of the West Virginia Legislature slipped by, seemingly unnoticed by regular media outlets, but we think our readers would like to know about it.

Hidden inside of the bill known officially as HB4112, and less officially as "The Junk Yard Protection Act" was one of the best laws passed in this or any other legislative session in memory. Section 4, Paragraph 1 of this bill makes it mandatory for all restaurants in West Virginia that serve "sausage sandwiches, commonly known as hot dogs" to offer slaw as a topping. Three paragraphs of the statute take on the daunting task of defining what is appropriately called coleslaw and does a pretty good job closing loopholes. For the purposes of this legislation, coleslaw is defined as "finely grated cabbage with mayonnaise based dressing" and doesn't get into matters of texture, sweetness or tartness.

The statute has no provision for charging extra for slaw, so it's only a matter of time before we'll see a lawsuit filed by a consumer against some hot dog joint for trying to charge for this legally mandated condiment. Here at WVHotDogs.com, we are not taking an official stance on whether it is legal to charge for coleslaw, but we maintain that a moral obligation does indeed exist to include the cost of the topping in the stated price of a regular hot dog.

We applaud the tireless efforts of Morris County Delegate Nathan Mayer who sponsored the bill and for Martin County Senator April Simpleton for working so hard preserving the language of the original bill and taking it on the end of her Junkyard bill. On the surface it would seem to be a stretch to include a food service requirement in a bill that dealt with the rights of junkyard owners to use car parts as signs, but Senator Simpleton made it fit. Kudos Senator! You made us proud!

It should be noted that the passing of this bill was made much easier by the flood waters in Marion County that kept the entire Marion delegation preoccupied during the session. Tough break Fine citizens of Fairmont; See you in court.

This new law was signed into law by Governor Tomblin and will take effect on April 1.

Racist City Planners Conspire to Close Downtown Charleston Hot Dog Joint

"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke

For years the Middle East Mart has been providing those who frequent Slack Plaza and the KRT Transit Mall with the necessities of life: Cigarettes, Pepsi and Hummus. When they added hot dogs to their menu several years ago the hordes of people that this addition brought to the area began to cause some problems for City leaders. Two years ago the mayor installed "loafer rails" - strips of steel spikes - on top of the planter seatwalls that were meant to discourage the hard working Slack Plaza regulars from sitting down and eating their lunch. Then last summer he had the trees in the plaza cut down to eliminate shady areas where people could sip their sodas in the heat of summer. While these tactics have no doubt had a negative effect on the hot dog sales at Middle East Mart, WVHotDogs.com has remained silent while this administration has systematically persecuted the only minority owned Hot Dog Joint in the downtown area. Recent events, however, have made it impossible for us to remain silent any longer.  

This week a group of "experts" from a university in North Central West Virginia (where, as we all know, many people have a sick aversion to cole slaw on hot dogs) came to Charleston to hold a "community meeting" where a "plan" for "improvement" of Slack Plaza was "developed." Funny, but only two days after this meeting was held, a plan was released whose major component is the removal of Middle East Mart from the plaza. No other business would be affected by this proposal; only the one that is owned by people from the Middle East was targeted. Has there ever been a more obvious case of racial profiling? Can we, the hot dog loving citizens of West Virginia, stand idly by while a Capital City HDJ is run out of town by a racist administration?

Call To Action

Here's what I propose: Today, anyone who works or is visiting in Downtown Charleston needs to go to Middle East Mart and buy a hot dog! Whether you opt for one of their regular hot dogs with grape leaf slaw or one of the more exotic ones (I recommend the all-lamb weenie with baba ganoush on a pita), join us in standing up for the rights of our Muslim brothers, won't you?

Make sure you do it today. Tomorrow the opportunity will be lost. All great revolutions begin on a significant date: Communism has its May Day; perhaps April 1 will henceforth be as well known.

I have a dream today.

Tudorville HDJ Review - Hot Dog World

I thought they were joking, mistaken or insane when I received the emails about Hot Dog World. "You have to try the Hot Dog Shake" they all said. The first time I simply thought the writer had meant the hot dog and shake, but after about the third or fourth email that said "hot dog shake" I thought I should check it out.

At the end of State Route 41, just before it crosses the Virginia border, sits this little gem of a town that boasts, among other things, the only sanctioned cockroach races in the state (held each year in September in the town fire station). Tudorville is one of those places that isn't on the way to anywhere and Hot Dog World is the only restaurant in town and so it was easy to find.

OK, so here's the thing about Hot Dog World: It really should get a special award for its commitment to hot dogs. They serve nothing but hot dogs and in many varieties and odd configurations. Their sign advertises "Great Hot Dogs" but it also lists "Burgers, Shakes and More" But if you order a "burger" you actually get a hot dog that has a "weenie" made out of an elongated roll of ground beef, fried and topped with lettuce, pickles and mayonnaise! And just like the emailers said, when you order a "Hot Dogs Shake", you get a cup full of a concoction that started out as a regular hot dog until it met its fate in a blender. You pick the liquid that gets put in (I chose Pepsi, but you can also get milk or water) and after a few seconds in the blender it is poured out into a Styrofoam up with a lid. The server recommended that I not remove the lid: "Just just drink it," he said, "it's not pretty."

Honestly, if I had not had so many recommendations I could not have brought myself to drink it, but I trust my readers, so...

After you get past the initial shock of the lukewarm temperature, the flavor that comes into your mouth through the slightly over sized straw that HDW provides is actually very tasty. The chili (I assume it was the chili) was quite spicy and the slaw - or the bun or something white in color - was creamy and nicely sweet. After I was out of the view of the server, I couldn't resist pulling off the lid for a peek at the hot dog puree. I was surprised to see mustard and ketchup (I completely forgot to ask them to leave out the red stuff!) floating to the surface of the sludge like substance.

Overall I have to give Hot Dog World Hot Dog Shake a nice 4 Weenie score. It's unusual, to be sure, but after all, when you eat a hot dog and down it in three bites it turns into essentially the same thing as they are selling. I would imagine that dentally challenged senior citizens would enjoy this hot dog very much.

Hot Dog World is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 364 days per year; closed only on April 1.

Barkersville HDJ Review - Lil' Pups Hot Dogs

I've always been fascinated by the popularity of White Castle Hamburgers. For those of you not savvy, White Castles are little hamburgers that people up north buy by the bag full when they are drunk. In my humble opinion you have to be drunk to eat them because they taste disgusting, and therein lies the fascination for me: I know people who eat them when they are sober and profess to think they are the best thing in the world. There is no adequate explanation for this. I'll just leave it as one of the unsolved mysteries of the universe.

I hadn't thought of White Castles in a long time, but when I ran across Lil' Pups Hot Dogs in Barkersville it all came back to me.

Lil's Pups sits right alongside Surveyor Drive in downtown Barkersville. I was intrigued by the sign that promised 4 hot dogs for a dollar, and a dozen for $2! How could I not stop and check it out? You're right, I couldn't!

I immediately discovered two things about Lil' Pups: They sell tiny hot dogs and the hot dogs they sell are not WVHDs at all (which is surprising since Barkersville is the quintessential southern West Virginia small town). "Everything" on a Lil' Pups hot dog includes mustard and ketchup. And the weenie on a Lil' Pup hot dog is basically a cocktail weenie without the yummy BBQ sauce that is typically served on these little hors d'oeuvres. Of course I could not bring myself to order ketchup on any hot dog, even a micro-dog, and so I got mine with just mustard. There really wasn't much room for anything else in the little bun anyway. Hard to complain about value, though, as two dogs, chips and a couple of pickle slices only rang in at 75 cents.

Of course a hot dog this size is a one-bite affair, and since I only got two I could barely even tell what they tasted like. I noticed, though, that other customers were getting them by the dozen and so I asked some of them what they thought (I immediately noticed that most of the clientèle were large, burly men who looked like they were not too discriminating about what went into their stomachs as long as it was voluminous). Most of the answers to my questions about why they liked Lil' Pups had their reasons based in quantitative terms, not qualitative. And most of Lil' Pups' customers probably would not understand that last sentence.

Large quantities of beer would no doubt help make Lil' Pups more palatable, and like White Castles I'm sure you could get used to the taste to the point it would grow on you and you might even begin to like them when sober. I decided quickly that I don't want to get that familiar with these hot dogs, regardless of how cheap they are.

Since Lil' Pups had neither chili or slaw they don't get a weenie rating, but if they did it would probably be a very low number: Maybe a 1.

As in April 1.

Charleston Hot Dog Joint Review - The Chop House

Ask anyone where the most expensive restaurant in Charleston is and they are liable to tell you it's The Chop House, and they are liable to be right. This extremely hoity-toity restaurant located in The Town Center Mall is known for its $30 appetizers and $40 entrees and pricey sides like $8 steamed broccoli. It is a fancy eatin' place if ever Charleston had one.

So imagine my surprise when I went out for a nice birthday dinner and found on the menu a real, live West Virginia Hot Dog. The "Haughty Deauxg," as it is called, has a typically Chop House sized weenie that weighs in at a hefty 1 lb. 4 ounces (before cooking) and a bun that is nearly the size of a small loaf of Wonder Bread. On top of the weenie is a huge helping of great tasting chili (only they call it "sauce de' chili") and a big serving of "Koohlsla"(which tastes exactly like slaw to me). A mustard-like substance and onions that had been shaved into little curly-cues finished it off perfectly.

Now I had my tastebuds set for some filet mignon, but after seeing the Haughty Deauxg on the menu I simply had to try it. I'm glad I did. First of all, it tasted great. It was so big that I ate half of it and took the rest home for lunch the next day and I didn't have to order anything else to complete my meal. At $22.50 it is certainly the most expensive hot dog I have seen but it was truly worth it. And it was much cheaper than the $35 filet I intended to order.

I really wish I had brought my camera because this thing has to be seen to be believed, but alas, you'll just have to take my word for it or go try one yourself. Easily a Five-Weenie rating for this fantastic hot dog that is absolutely worth getting dressed up for.

If you're going to The Chop House, make sure you have reservations. They are especially busy most holidays, especially April Fools Day.