Friday, May 29, 2009

Hot Dog Classification Project Part IV: So What?

In no order at all, here are some of my observations and comparisons of Utilitarian Dogs, Genteel Dogs and Artisan Dogs. Feel free to add your own observations via comments:

- Utilitarian Dogs have a wide price range from location to location. In North Central WV, these dogs are under a dollar in most HDJs, while in Southern WV they are often $1.50 or more. Predictably enough, Genteel Dogs are less likely to be found in places that have higher priced UDs.

- Overall, hot dogs get more expensive from North to South except for Artisan Dogs.

- HDJs that sell their chili/sauce by the jar always serve UDs.

- UDs will leave a lingering aroma inside your car far longer than either GDs or ADs.

- 75% of Utilitarian Dogs we review score 3.5 Weenies or higher. That number goes down to 50% with Genteel Dogs, while Artisan Dogs score that high only 30% of the time.

- Despite the above statistic, UDs are more likely than the other two classes to score one Weenie or less.

- ADs are far more common in restaurants that are owned by a non-native West Virginians.

- The smaller the parking lot the higher the likelihood that the HDJ sells UDs.

- Urban HDJs are dominated by GDs.

- If there is any seafood other than fried fish on the menu, there will be no UDs.

- HDJs that claim "Best Hot Dogs in Town" usually have UDs. Those that make the claim and have GDs are always lying.

- Ketchup is far more likely to be served on a GD than the other two classes.

- You never see anyone eating an AD wearing a "wife beater" t-shirt, but you will often see a man in a shirt and tie wolfing down a UD.

- Sometimes a HDJ can have a GD for inside dining, but UDs to go.

- Places that are owned by, or cater to, granola crunching liberal hippies are more likely to have ADs. Furthermore, these places are likely to have things like "Free Range Weenies", "Fair Trade Mustard" or "Amish Cole Slaw."


Christopher Scott Jones said...


Give me a UD nine times out of ten.

On that tenth time, though, give me some antacid.

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